I can’t cover my sex toy activist career/how I came to Dildology in a single blog post, but this is a key moment.
To be perfectly honest, I fell into this. My first job peddling dildos was one I took because the ownership didn’t care about my pink hair or how many smoke breaks I took, and selling sex toys sounded like something I would do.
Changing cities, I was looking for the first job I could find and that was it. My promotions at the start, how I became manager of my first store was simply because I showed up mostly on time. Mostly. I was a punk ass twenty something kid, trust me, I wasn’t very punctual.
My training was haphazard at best, for the first few weeks I didn’t know much more than roughly where on the wall the butt plugs were and could sort of tell you that there was a difference between waterbase and silicone lubes. Sort of.
What mattered to me, at first, was that I could wear whatever I wanted, listen to whatever music I wanted and my friends could hang out. So I didn’t have an answer for the longest time when customers would ask me about smells.
Weeping. Toys reacting when touching each other. Melting. “That’s weird, I don’t think they should do that.” was my answer at first. This is almost ten years ago, before toys were anywhere near this mainstream and were technically illegal in my state. I just trusted that they were safe, I mean, they’re being sold right? There are hundreds of them in the store, and “novelty” or not…We all know how that “cake topper” is going to be used. Of course they are safe. Those attempted returns kept happening. I started to have adverse reactions when battery testing or opening a ton of stock on shipment days. It all started to get to me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Still, they had to be safe.
After a long shift one night, and I remember this clearly, I was randomly surfing about trying to educate myself more on the products. I actually really enjoy retail, and I enjoy being good at my job. Desperately I wanted to be able to give better answers, calm their fears, help them find the best toy for their needs.
This is when I found Violet Blue’s Unsafe Sex Products and Toys – Consumer Beware post. As I read it, pieces clicked into place in my brain and I became angry. These toys are fucking toxic and I’m selling them to people. Anger turned into righteous fury as I kept reading. Midway through that post is when I became an activist.
A ton of people have been my heroes, mentors, idols, what have you. Metis Black and Tantus. CATT (Coalition Against Toxic Toys) and The Smitten Kitten. Ducky DooLittle. Carol Queen. I could go on and on, there are so many fantastic people in the sex-positive world. Violet Blue and the unsafe toy post though, that was my lightbulb moment.
I’m still angry, and that anger is a huge part of why Dildology now exists.
A few days ago, Violet Blue posted about Dildology on Tiny Nibbles, and I am only now recovering from the fangirl excitement. Support Dildology:
Independent sex toy materials safety evaluation (I’m not going to even try and play it cool here. There was squealing. Dancing. A few jumps for joy. I may have even run circles around the house giggling hysterically. Possibly. Might have happened).
Since her post, we’ve received all the votes we needed and are now a Featured Project on Offbeatr. 30 days to raise 3k, then we will have the funds to really make some waves. Start making real change. If you are willing and able, please support us here: